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WELCOME |
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to the official website of the Society for the Preservation of the Burly Man! |
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Our Mission
The mission of the Society for the Preservation of the Burly Man is to preserve and protect one Western society’s rarest relics of yesteryear, The Burly Man. Established in the summer of 2004 by longtime Burly Man activists, H. Jolynn Dant and E.S. Hertz, SPBM has been the driving voice behind bringing the Burly Man back to the forefront of modern culture. By battling against the mighty forces of the Metrosexual Movement and the inherent laziness of today’s men, SPBM hopes to one day see Burly Men once again filling the streets , garages and shops of America, Europe and beyond. We thank you for your continued support of our mission! |
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What makes a Burly Man?
· Usefulness: Burly men know how to DO things, they have skills (remember what Napoleon Dynamite said about guys with skills?). They can build things, fix things, lift things up, break things (like bike locks), and are just generally good at doing things that seem difficult or heavy. · Manliness: Burly men LOOK like men…that is, they possess those scientifically noted traits that make women go into hormonal overdrive. Examples would be a strong, clean jaw line, pects that strain the tight wife-beater that is a Burly Man’s uniform, deltoids that radiate “I can kick your ass” and no obvious sign whatsoever of any primping, pampering or $20 a bottle facial exfoliators. · Unobtrusiveness: Burly men should be seen (and admired) but rarely heard…unless summoned to do so. Burly men do not argue about silly things, do not simper about their troubles and most certainly do not pompously talk about themselves all day. They are reserved, austere and above all, ready to be “burly” at a moment’s notice! · Burliness: The ability to pull all the above traits together in a single being that can fix your car, bring you breakfast in bed and save your cat from a tree…all while looking very, very hot and intimidating the hell out of all the sopping metrosexuals. THAT is burliness!!
Do you think YOU have what it takes to be a “Burly Man”? Try our interactive Burly Man Quiz above.
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A Message from Founder, H. Jolynn Dant:
There is a rather bad early 90’s song that laments “Where have all the cowboys gone?”. Though I find the song grating like many other things circa 1995 (ie Jacques Chirac’s election, the OJ Simpson trial and the last Calvin and Hobbes strip), I have often found myself wondering where have all the cowboys gone? And the knights in shining armor? And that incredibly hot neighbor from next door that fixes stuff? Where are the BURLY MEN? This is the question that led my co-founder and I to found The Society for the Preservation of the Burly Man.
Ladies, how many times have YOU been in this position: You’re home alone when you need something large and heavy moved, or maybe you need a bike lock broken, or maybe you need someone to listen to that funny noise in your car? Now, sure, as a independent, modern woman, you DO have the option of taking care of these items yourself...but wouldn’t it be nicer if there was someone you could call to do it for you? Perhaps a husband, a boyfriend, that hot neighbor with the nice abs...but you can’t. Why? Because somehow, somewhere, modern men have lost their “burliness”. You may have many male acquaintances, but how many of them are actually “useful”? How many can effectually build things, break things, lift things, etc? How many of them not only own the tools but also know how to use them? Take stock...I will wager that you can count very of few of them. It’s sad situation that will only grow stronger by the day if we don’t do something NOW!
It is time to reverse the dangerous trend of the effete male. What is a society to do when we no longer have the native stock to fix the drain, build the fence, and change the oil? If every man turns “metro”, who will be left to do the heavy lifting of society? Not I! And so, take a moment to show your support for the Burly Men you know...and encourage the rest of the men you know to get off their arses and learn some skills. After all, chicks only like guys with “skills”. |